I knew there was going to be a stagnant point in this campaign, and this is it: The Kairos Mechanism‘s Kickstarter effort has been languishing for about a week, painfully inching toward full funding with about 3 weeks left to go. I read lots of blogs by Kickstarter users that warned that this would happen, so I’m not entirely surprised. I am, however, massively twitchy. I want to know I’m in the clear, and then I want to blast the goal out of the water so I can bump up the kid artists’ checks and commit to Arcana #2.
So tonight, Nathan and I went out for burgers and did a little brainstorming.
I already have a fairly exhaustive menu of reward options on The Kairos Mechanism’s Kickstarter page, but Nathan felt they were somewhat lacking in…shall we call it whimsy? So here’s the custom menu we came up with tonight. Yes, I will honor them if you choose one.
- $45: I will do 10 slo-mo jumping jacks, narrated by phone for you by Nathan.
- $50: The Auntie Kate reward: a pair of socks or a tie.
- $50: The Aunt Katie reward: a clever t-shirt.
- $50: I’ll send you a birthday card. I will also call and sing you “Happy Birthday.”
- $100: An original cocktail named after you. No vodka, please; I have to test this stuff to get it just right.
- $100: I’ll write you the nicest rejection letter you’ll ever get. Stickers included.
- $150: A critique and work-over of your query letter.
- $200: I’ll knit you a scarf with an actual pattern!
- $200: You and me: two person book club.
- $250: I will send you a cd of me singing sea chanties.
- $300: A critique of your manuscript.
- $300: You and I watch a movie of your choice together over Skype. I’ll treat for pizza.
- $500: The Clockwork Foundry Subscription: one copy, print or digital, of everything I publish (self or traditional) until you get sick of me. This includes The Boneshaker, The Broken Lands, and The Kairos Mechanism (obviously).
- $750: I will record for you an audio-novella in which you are a character.
- $750: I will send you a serial novel, handwritten and delivered by US mail. You feature as a character.
- $1,000: I’ll be your fake girlfriend for a month. This includes one text per day, one mix CD per week, two angsty phone calls, 3 handwritten letters, 4 poems, one piece of jewelry you will never be caught wearing, and a fiery breakup.
- $2000: I’ll fly to you or fly you to me for a board game duel with a weapon of your choosing. Afterwards we will watch Dave Chappelle’s Block Party and get delivery food (my treat).
- $2000: Did somebody say prom?
- $2000: I’ll fly you to Newark Airport for an hour-long game of hide and seek, treat you to a splendid food court dinner, then fly you home.
- $10,000: I will send you a check for $9,000. Spoiler: the check will be MASSIVELY post-dated.
- $1,000,000: I’ll walk into Mordor and destroy the One Ring. Photographic evidence will be provided.
Just try and resist those. Gauntlet=thrown.